I am a recovering perfectionist. How do I know? Because I have often blurred the line between what I do and who I am. In my recovery, I have learned that when my identity is tied to my performance, my mistakes, setbacks, and failures become far more than isolated events. They become verdicts on my worth.
If you are a fellow recovering perfectionist, I hope this blog encourages you to remember you are more than what you do.
I spent more than four decades in a church where I learned to be deeply aware of my sin, but not always equally aware of God’s grace. It was as if my camera lens remained perpetually zoomed in on my flaws, and I was the one who had to fix them. But four years ago, I left that church and, for the first time, readjusted my lens to zoom out.
Zooming out helped me stop being consumed by my shortcomings. My Bible readings, along with the grace-based church I started attending, eventually taught me that my standing before God is not based on flawless performance, but on Christ’s finished work. I knew I needed to understand and live by God’s grace to overcome my perfectionism.
Below is the contrast between perfectionism and living by Grace. In my recovery, I am learning to live from the grace column rather than the perfectionism column.
| Perfectionism | Living by Grace |
| Serves anxiety | Serves peace |
| Chases an ideal | Embraces growth |
| Keeps moving the finish line | Knows when enough is enough |
| Guided by fear of mistakes | Guided by trust and purpose |
| Gets trapped in the details | Returns to the big picture |
| Ties worth to performance | Finds worth in being loved and accepted |
| Focuses on flaws | Celebrates progress |
| Demands control | Accepts uncertainty |
| Leads to exhaustion | Leads to freedom and rest |
| Strives to earn approval | Lives from approval and acceptance |
I sought to answer one simple question to break free from perfectionism and live by God’s grace. “Am I defined by what I do or simply because I am loved?”
And one way I sought to answer that question was by spending most of 2025 and 2026 writing a book called Defined by Love, launching on November 2, 2026, on Amazon.
To answer the question in my book, I didn’t focus on single verses to build a case for Biblical grace; instead, I immersed myself in the Bible’s stories to see God’s grace at work in people’s lives. What I appreciate about the Bible is that it doesn’t sugarcoat life’s difficulties. Its pages read less like bedtime stories and more like a collection of high-stakes dramas filled with flawed people, impossible circumstances, and unexpected grace.
Defined by Love is a journey in search of the answer to “Why am I loved?” through the stories of people in the Bible. They were ordinary individuals who wrestled with God to understand who they were and why they existed. I explore the same longings we carry today. Alongside each biblical story, I introduce a modern-day voice—someone who shares a similar struggle—revealing how these ancient questions still live within us. Then, I invite you, the reader, into their experiences, so that faith becomes more than an idea to consider.
And in those Biblical narratives, we find ourselves seen, known, and loved by Jesus apart from our performance. If you would like to know more about my book and subscribe to my newsletter, you can go to my author website https://dianemariemitchell.com
Living by God’s grace allows you to zoom out and see life from God’s perspective. It isn’t through a lens of condemnation, but through love. Love is the wide-angle lens that sees the bigger picture.
