To feel unloved is one of the worst feelings in the world—or at least it is for me. And because I’m human, I imagine you might feel it too.
When I don’t feel loved, I start turning inward. I look for something I must be doing wrong in my relationships (including with Jesus), or I fixate on the parts of my life that don’t feel polished or put together. I replay conversations in my head and wince, convinced I should have said something different—something better.
Something more measured, maybe even more “spiritual,” as if I would be easier to love if I didn’t keep returning to that one tender place in my life.
And maybe that’s why I wrote Defined by Love. Because I’ve spent so much of my life trying to secure love by trying to be better, more refined, more put together, instead of learning to trust that I’m already held in love—even in the messy, unpolished, “too much” places.
As I count down to launching Defined by Love on November 1, 2026, I’ll be sharing small pieces of what I uncovered during a year of wrestling, writing, and re-learning what it means to be loved.
Here’s the first one: 5 truths to hold onto when you feel unloved.
✅ 1. I am already loved
Not because of what I do—
but because of who God is.
I John 4:19 We love because he first loved us.
This verse blows me away. It is a short sentence, but it speaks volumes. Love originates from God. He created each of us in love and pursues us in love, even when we are not interested in his love. We cannot make God love us more because all the love he has is already present and available.
✅ 2. I am not earning my identity
I am learning to live from it.
Ephesians 2:10 For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.
I returned from Santa Fe, New Mexico last week, where my friend Kim and I wandered through a series of high-end galleries. I stood in quiet awe before the artwork—each piece vibrant, intricate, and alive—knowing I was witnessing the work of artists who had spent a lifetime refining their craft.
Now think about God looking at you and saying, “Wow, look at this masterpiece I have created.” How vibrant, intricate, and alive my child is. Now walk around and be amazed. Display your uniqueness.
✅ 3. My worth is not fragile
It does not rise and fall with my performance.
2 Corinthians 12:9: But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
Because our worth is not dependent on our performance, we will not be afraid of weakness. We can live with imperfections without needing to cover them up.
✅ 4. My emotions are valid—but not ultimate
There is something more stable beneath them.
Ecclesiastes 3:4: A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance.
There are seasons in my life when I cry often. The tears come from something unresolved—something that hurts, something I’m still trying to understand. Over time, I’ve learned to see those moments not as evidence that my life is falling apart, but as signs of growth, awareness, and sensitivity. When I allow myself to fully feel the hurt instead of resisting it, my tears no longer define the situation—they no longer dictate how I see my life.
✅ 5. I can rest
I don’t have to prove I’m enough today.
Matthew 11:28-30: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”
Jesus is always inviting us into rest. He doesn’t want us to live weary or weighed down in trying to be better. Instead, He calls us to walk closely with Him—as if we are tethered to him—learning from His gentle and humble heart.
I hope these 5 truths have encouraged you to know you don’t have to walk around feeling unloved. You are loved. Dearly.
