I’m not good enough.
I have been in more situations than I can count where panic took hold of my heart because I was falling short. My college physics class was one of those times. I could not understand anything the teacher was saying. His words sounded like an unfamiliar language. I looked around the room in amazement that my classmates were actually taking notes on his lecture. What could they possibly be writing about? When it was time to take the first test, I took a look at each question, walked up to the teacher sitting at his desk and turned in a blank test. I could not answer one question! Thank God I found a tutor who could speak the physics language I could understand, so I earned a C on the second test.
We are all born with God given talents and a unique set of strengths and weaknesses. Some of us are one talent people and others are ten talent people. The biggest challenge I have in overcoming feelings of not being good enough is to continually decide to have a sober estimation of myself and to be completely humble and grateful for how God created me. Being self-aware can sometimes be very painful, but it is always the first step to growth in any area of my life. Without self-awareness, I compare myself to others or try to live up to what I think are the expectations others have of me, and pride is sure to follow.
In my life I have wasted too many hours in angst and worry that I’m not good enough.
Recently I read the book, “Nothing to Prove” by Jennie Allen. She has reminded me of this truth:
“God knew we would never be good enough. So He became enough for us. Jesus is our enough.”
I have been on a life long journey to learn how to let Jesus to be my enough. With each failure and rock-between-a -hard-place situation I have experienced, I have had to search the Bible and get on my knees time and time again asking God to forgive me for my pride that refuses to fully embrace his amazing grace. Every time I try to be good enough on my own, I eventually feel the weight of disappointment and failure even though on the outside it appears I have had a success or a victory.
In Romans 3:23, the Bible tells us why we get that nagging feeling that we haven’t measured up regardless of how much we have accomplished. It says:
For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.
Yep. No matter how good we try to be we fall short. The Bible says none of us are exempt from this fact, yet by all of our striving to measure up and prove we are good enough we stand in opposition to what God is trying to tell us. We may nod our heads and think it makes perfect sense, but then we walk away and start trying to prove ourselves again.
God’s Word informs us of our dilemma of falling short but also provides a solution to our dilemma; yet we try to solve our predicament on our own.
The solution is in the next verse Romans 24:
And all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.
Wow. That is the most amazing solution to my dilemma of falling short. So why would I choose to put on that heavy backpack of fear of being known, fear of failure and fear of not measuring up rather than accepting the grace of Christ?
Because my pride wants to say:
I can do this on my own. I don’t want to accept this amazing grace because this grace cost Jesus his life and I don’t want to feel accountable for the death of another. I don’t want to need someone that much.
But if I do throw off this heavy backpack of pride and fear, I am then free to fall in love with Jesus and allow him to be my righteousness. I don’t have to be good and right because only God is good and right. I can breathe a sigh of relieve that my weaknesses are not something to be ashamed of but are something to bring God glory.
The apostle Paul said in 2 Corinthians 12:10:
10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
You’ll know when Jesus is your enough when you can honestly say that you delight in your weaknesses.
You’ll know when you are trying to be enough on your own when you feel a heavy weight or burden to achieve or be successful or be strong.
Whenever I get that awful feeling of self-doubt or feelings of not thinking I’m good enough, I can always point back to evidences of me trying to prove myself and be good on my own effort rather than relying on God. The beauty of Jesus being my enough is that I can be comfortable in my weaknesses. I can relax and be ok if I’m:
- Last or first
- Weak or strong
- Plain or beautiful
- One talent person or ten talent person
- Unqualified or qualified
- Sad or happy
- Boring or intriguing
I’m so grateful that I can throw off my heavy back pack of negative thoughts that relentlessly tell me I have to become good enough on my own. I’m so grateful that I can rely fully on Jesus so that I can say because of him…
I’m good enough.
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